the rose
by helium lost
Summary: [Post–series] “If you want to never see me or hear from me again, please send it back. However, if you still have room in your heart to forgive me, please keep it, and I promise that I'll come someday and apologize with all my soul to you.” Implied Zutara


**the rose**  
. helium lost .

**Author's Notes:** So the latest challenge community I signed myself up to is fairytale-redux. Basically, you take one of the Grimm fairytales and rewrite it to fit your fandom. Anyway, I really like the way this turned out—it let me explore the relationship between Zuko and Katara and let me fill in a backstory.

Also, this fic can kind of be thought of as a companion fic to my drabble "la caduta"—I had that one in mind while writing a certain scene.

**Warnings:** Character death. Not Zuko or Katara, though.

* * *

_Dear Katara:_

_I'm sorry that I didn't write to you earlier. Things have been hectic at the palace. It's still difficult to believe that I'm the Fire Lord, that Azula has been exiled, that Father has gone into hiding in disgrace, that Uncle…_

_Funeral arrangements are being made. He told me about Toph before—well, I think he would have liked it if Toph were to come. I can arrange for transportation and accommodation if need be. Please don't mourn… at least now, he is with Lu Ten. I'm sure he's happy… anyways…_

_Katara—you have no idea how long it's taking me to write this letter. Between every stroke I have to stop and think about my words, about what I'm going to say. There's so much going on through my mind that I don't even know where to begin. Please forgive me… I must have started this letter hundreds of time, only to crumple it up and toss it into the trash._

_Firstly, I would like to offer my congratulations to your grandmother. I hope that her marriage to Master Pakku will be a long and happy one. They still have time on Earth—if your grandmother has a spirit like yours, I know she'll fight for every moment and will soar to be one hundred, one hundred fifty years old. Maybe she'll even out-live Avatar Kyoshi—who knows._

_Secondly, I would like to congratulate Sokka. I know that the Northern Water Tribe is still recovering from the loss of Princess Yue—I apologize deeply and profusely on behalf of my ex-comrade Admiral Zhao—and I admire his strength to attempt to bring the North back under control. I will continue diplomatic and trade relations with him, and, if need be, I would be more than happy to form a military alliance with the North._

_Thirdly, I would like to let you know that your father's recent work with the Mechanist at the Northern Air Temple is most pleasing. Your father's work is very noble; already he and the Mechanist have come up with many fascinating medical gadgets that will no doubt improve the medical field as a whole._

_Now… about you…_

_Katara—if it weren't for you—I don't know what I would have done. Probably something very stupid, I'm sure… You told me before that your mind told you that I was, quite frankly, a bastard—that I hadn't changed at all, and that my siding with Azula was just a manifestation of the evil in my heart. But you told me that your heart—your heart refused to believe this, and some part of you still believed that I had changed for the better… that I had just fallen under Azula's influence… that I just needed someone to set me on the right track._

_And you followed your heart._

_Katara, I… I'm sorry that I caused you so much pain. That I incessantly and relentlessly pursued Avatar Aang for a reason that was foolish and impulsive, a reason that was made just from wishful thinking… I should have known that my father would have spurned me as always—even with the Avatar in my grasp._

_I was such a fool…_

_Please, accept my apology. If it hadn't been for your ability to heal… I'm so, so sorry for what my sister and my father have done. The misery and grief they've caused you—the misery and grief that I myself have caused you._

_I had functioned under the misguided belief that Father would love me again if I captured the Avatar for him… yet, once I did capture the Avatar and bring him to him, he turned to Azula and said that her plan had worked. Making plans behind me—playing me like a pawn—I…_

_I'm sorry that I lashed out at you. I shouldn't have… You knew in your heart that I had just had my world tumble down on me, and you, despite Sokka's insistence that you stay out of my business, despite Toph's constant haranguing about me being a traitor… You came to me, and you tried to comfort me. There's no other word for it—Sokka can call it compromising and Toph can call it making a deal, but the fact remains that… _

_You wanted me to be happy…_

_And I…_

_I've apologized before, and I know you'll be annoyed with all these apologies that are only words, but I… I don't think this guilt will ever go away. Knowing that I burned your hands—knowing that you couldn't heal yourself—knowing that it was too late afterwards, that the movement in some of your fingers is still awkward and limited because of the scars…_

_Sometimes, you know, I would lose myself when I was fighting against you, and I would leave an opening because I wanted to just watch you waterbend. You were so graceful when you waterbended that I often forgot that I was fighting you… and to see you bending clumsily, losing the grace at your fingertips… it tears my heart into a million pieces._

_I know I shouldn't be bringing it up again. I… I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do afterwards—so I ran. I ran, like I always do. And I left you behind to fend for yourself, when you so often came to me and tried to help me._

_Later, you tried to rescue Aang. You hadn't created an elaborate plan—you, Sokka, and Toph had all forgotten many crucial details, and none of you were familiar with the structure of the palace and the dungeons. But did you find it unusual that you didn't encounter any guards or any obstacles on your way? I was a coward—I didn't want to come and help you myself—so that was the most I could do._

_I still couldn't face you…_

_I can remember Sozin's comet streaking across the sky as if it were yesterday. And Avatar Aang, striding up to the stage, with hundreds, maybe thousands, of firebenders booing him. He was so small—and my father was at the other end of the stage, waiting. Avatar Aang's firebending was erratic—hesitant—for firebenders, hesitation does not exist. It is our downfall. And Avatar Aang—_

_I'm sorry for not having stepped in sooner. I waited until the last moment—until Avatar Aang was on the verge of death, unable to enter the Avatar state—and—_

_Like I said… hesitation is our downfall._

_It is against the rules for us to step into an Agni Kai. And I still can't believe that I let stupid, arbitrary rules chain me so long to my seat… It was almost too late when it hit me that the future of the world was resting in my hands._

_Uncle tried to stop me, but I wouldn't let him… I was ready, but he was adamant, until, finally…_

_I still can't believe that my father could be so ruthless. Maybe it's true, then, what they say about what happened to my mother… The last thing I saw was Uncle's body falling motionless to the ground. Then, an uncontrollable rage came over me, and everything seemed to explode as I lashed out, destroying everything around me, finally destroying my father for everything that he ever did to me, for everything that he ever did to innocents everywhere, for everything—everything—_

_Avatar Aang—if it hadn't been—well, he's alive, thankfully…_

_I'm sorry if I'm only making things worse with this letter. But I don't think I would have been able to go on if I didn't write it. Words can't even begin to describe how sorry I am for my actions._

_If you don't accept my apology, then I understand. I don't know if even I can accept my own apologies. But I just want you to know that my apologies are sincere, and that I deeply regret my actions. If only I could make it up to you… please…_

_I'm sending you with this letter a gift: a single glass rose. If you never want to see me or hear from me ever again, please send it back, and I will never harass you ever again._

_However, if you still have room in your heart to forgive me (is it even possible?), please keep it, and I promise to you that I will come someday and apologize with all my soul to you. I can't guarantee that it will be soon—I've never been and will never be as brave as you. I'm still a coward… But I promise you that, when that rose is open, I'll be there, ready to apologize._

_Sincerely,  
Zuko_

* * *

The letter lay on the table, its corners wrinkled from rereading to the point to where they were ready to tear off with the single brush of a finger. Years had passed since the letter had first come in through the window on the leg of a messenger hawk, and there had never been another. 

Beside it, in a small, pretty cup, was a clear, glass rose, so intricate that it looked as if it were a real rose that, by accident, had been born from glass. Its petals were furled tightly against each other, each one hugging the next, as if possessively hiding something invisible in its core.

The moon shone bright through the open window, and Katara was asleep.

* * *

Katara woke suddenly, her eyes snapping open. The first thing that she noticed was that the room wasn't as dark as it normally was. 

In fact, that was a bright, flickering light by the desk.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes, then gave a start as she saw the figure standing in her room. He looked older now, a little more tired, and he was dressed in regal robes with his hair long again and tied up in an elegant knot, but the same glint was in his eyes, and his mouth was still set in the exact same line…

He held the glass rose over a ball of flame resting on the palm of his hand. As he turned the stem between two fingers, the rose began to unfurl, yawning as it came out of its deep sleep. The flickering shadows dancing on the walls lengthened and stilled as the cradle of orange light surrounding the rose slowly ebbed away, leaving the room oddly cold and dark, save for the feeble light of the moon that was flowing in through the open window.

He held the rose a moment longer, letting it cool down, before handing it to her. She took it and marveled at its petals, each thinner than a sheet of paper, each glittering in the faint white light; caught in wonder, she ran a finger along the edge of one of the petals and felt nothing except a gentle pressure against her flesh.

Then, with trembling hands thick with scars, she brought the rose to her lips and kissed it, the tears running silently down her face.

* * *

_**The Rose **_

_There was once a poor woman who had two children. The youngest had to go every day into the forest to fetch wood. Once when she had gone a long way to seek it, a little child, who was quite strong, came and helped her industriously to pick up the wood and carry it home, and then before a moment had passed the strange child disappeared. The child told her mother this, but at first she would not believe it. At length she brought a rose home, and told her mother that the beautiful child had given her this rose, and had told her that when it was in full bloom, he would return. The mother put the rose in water. One morning her child could not get out of bed, the mother went to the bed and found her dead, but she lay looking very happy. On the same morning, the rose was in full bloom._

_(From Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, Household Tales, translated by Margaret Hunt.)_

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Obviously, I didn't follow the fairy tale exactly, but then, what would be the fun in that? Anywho, I know it's not explicit Zutara, but you can fill in the blanks afterward for yourself. ;) 

Liked it? Hated it? Have suggestions? Then leave a review!


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